Shut Up Train...

I am enjoying my quiet time. The house is still. This morning is no different from any other "stay home" day, as Alyse calls them. But with it being January 1, 2013, it is different. I am trying to think of what changes I want to make to better myself and those around me for the year. All the normal resolutions come to mind, work out more, lose that 20 pounds ...(that I've been trying to lose for 2 years now), eat out less, keep my closets organized (yeah right), drink less soda (not less caffiene, just less diet coke), and just all around, try to be a better person. Be that person that I want my girls to be. Help those in need and show God's love through my actions and reactions. I tend to be so self absorbed, but I want to be Jesus absorbed. I want others to see Jesus in me.  This was my goal last year too.  I still have a long way to go but hopefully I'm making small steps in the right direction. 
Every morning I get up and spend quiet time with the Lord. It fuels my day. Does it make me perfect? By no means. I am so thankful to have a Savior because I am far from perfect. During this prayer time I jot down things that come to mind or that I find heart healing. I also write down things that just do me in, tick me off, things that break me down. As I went back and read my journal, I realized there were several things that broke me down this past year, personal losses along with grieving with several friends and church family that lost loved ones far too soon. But then God would place people in my life, or reveal promises to me. God's grace is sufficient for me, His power is made perfect in my weakness, and there are just some things I will never understand.  That's why He tells us to lean not on our own understanding.  Am I wrong to say that a Christian's heart is so fragile and breaks so easy? I don't think so. My prayer has been for God to break my heart for what breaks his but to also heal my heart and make it clean. I want Jesus to be the name on my lips when I rise and when I go to sleep.
So, Kate, Macy, and Alyse this is for you.  :)  I love you girls with all of my heart. You make me want to be a better person.

Here are some of my highs, lows, truths and reminders in 2012. 

~Fleeing our circumstances doesn't necessarily remedy them. "It is our wisdom to make the best of that which is, for it is seldom that changing our place is mending it." -Matthew Henry.
~Emotions are problem driven, faith is purpose driven.
~If Jesus can carry a cross that was heavy with ALL of the world's sins, he can carry our burdens.
~Little boys grow up to be fine young men, way too fast.  Way to go Jerod and the graduating class of Frenship High 2012!!
~Humility doesn't mean thinking less of yourself, it means thinking of yourself less.
~I asked, "God, why have you made me so weak?"  He replied, "To show how Mighty I AM."
~Temptation is all about persuasion. But if Christ has already persuaded you, Satan can't make you do anything.
~Satan's greatest weapon is your ignorance of God's will.
~Don't settle for mediocrity at any stage of life. "Run in such a way as to get the prize." 1 Cor. 9:24.
~Don't pack a box unless you have the keys in your hand. A signed contract means nothing. Period.
~"Nothing fails so totally, as success without God." Vic Pentz
~Dream often, for when you dream, you are ageless.
~Have I mentioned I have the best kids in the world?
~There are some friends in life that you may not talk to often, but you just know and find comfort in knowing, they are just a phone call away. Phone calls are important.  Don't just text. 
~Handwritten letters are AWESOME and fun to get!  Write one every now and then.
~Take time to soak in God's goodness.  He smiles at that.
~"God doesn't want something from us.  He simply wants us." C.S. Lewis
~ Strain and pain are a fact of life, you can't escape it, have the courage to live it. Don't wimp out. If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31
~ "The decision to repent, be still, and trust is a conscious commitment that requires courage and diligence." Priscilla Shirer
~Girlfriends are vital and so is adventure.  It keeps you young.  Float the River!!
~God answers small prayers...even if you ask him to quiet the dogs so you can focus on your quiet time with him.  Really! It happened.
~When a young mom with two young babies loses her husband in a horrible tragedy, there are no words found that can bring comfort. Pray, pray, pray for peace and comfort.  Some suffering cannot be penetrated. 6 months later I still don't understand, but I still pray for her every day.  She may never know.  But God does.
~Daddy can't rope the moon, even if Alyse asks him too, but he'll dang sure try. 
~"As sure as ever God puts His children in the furnace.  He will be in the furnace with them." Charles Spurgeon
~In the words of my wise little brother, when I expressed my concerns of him traveling across the world for mission work, "If God can shut the mouths of lions, don't you think He can stop the hands that would try to harm me?" Well said baby brother, well said.
~God doesn't change. We do.
~Set out to satisfy the Lord and your soul will find deep satisfaction.
~I will always find something to laugh at. At the most inoppurtune times.  I'm sorry. I'm working on this.
~Everyone said that kids grow up in the blink of an eye. It's true.
~You learn from mistakes. Never dwell on them. If you have regrets, leave them at the foot of the cross.  That's what Jesus wants.
~Live life to the fullest.  Laugh often, even if it is at the most inoppurtune times.  And LOVE. Even when it hurts. 
~Thank Him daily.

Here's to 2013!  I'm excited to see what the year has to offer.  2012 was a roller coaster with ups and downs.  But along the way I had the best seat with my best friend and my beautiful babies along for the ride.  My hands are up! I'm on the front row....let the ride BEGIN!!! 

The title, Shut Up Train, came to mind because of the darn train as I was trying to think of a title.  Someday God will move me to a house where this won't happen.  Maybe 2013 is the year. Just maybe.

Prayer for 2013

May God make your year a happy one!
Not by shielding you from all sorrows and pain,
But by strengthening you to bear it, as it comes;
Not by making your path easy,
But by making you sturdy to travel any path;
Not by taking hardships from you,
But by taking fear from your heart;
Not by granting you unbroken sunshine,
But by keeping your face bright, even in the shadows;
Not by making your life always pleasant,
But by showing you when people and their causes need you most,
and by making you desirous to help.
God's love, peace, hope and joy to you for the year ahead.
Anonymous

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Stitched Memories Christmas

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Only Love Remains

As I spend the day recouperating and cleaning after the last two mad weeks, I have been listening to JJ Heller. Her music is such a God send today. I have smiled and wept. The weight of the world is slowly being lifted. Scenes of you come rushing through; you are breaking me down. So break me into pieces, that will grow in the ground I know that I deserve to die for the murder in my heart. So be gentle with me Jesus as you tear me apart Please kill the liar, kill the thief in me You know that I am tired of their cruelty. Breathe into my spirit, Breathe into my veins, Until only love remains You burn away the ropes that bind and hold me to the earth. The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth. I begin to see reality for the first time in my life. I know that I'm a shadow, but I'm dancing in your light. Teach me to be humble. Call me from the grave. Show me how to walk with you upon the waves. Breathe into my spirit. Breathe into my veins Until only love remains

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10 Things My Daughters Should Know

With my 14 year old, Kate, my 11 year old, Macy, and my 5 year old, Alyse, there are always times I wonder if I have given good, true advice. Advice to help them grow up as strong, independent women with healthy values. I try to get my hands on as many parenting magazines and articles as I can, hoping to find the 'hidden messages' I may have forgotten to give. All of these things are facts we tell our girls on a regular basis. Maybe not in these exact words, but this is written beautifully. I had to have a copy for myself. If this advice can stick in their minds like gum on a shoe, I just think so many pitfalls could be avoided! Ten things I want my 10-year-old daughter to know: 1. It is not your job to keep the people you love happy. Not me, not Daddy, not your brother, not your friends. I promise, it's not. The hard truth is that you can't, anyway. 2. Your physical fearlessness is a strength. Please continue using your body in the world: run, jump, climb, throw. I love watching you streaking down the soccer field, or swinging proudly along a row of monkey bars, or climbing into the high branches of a tree. There is both health and a sense of mastery in physical activity and challenges. 3. You should never be afraid to share your passions. You are sometimes embarrassed that you still like to play with dolls, for example, and you worry that your friends will make fun of you. Anyone who teases you for what you love to do is not a true friend. This is hard to realize, but essential. 4. It is okay to disagree with me, and others. You are old enough to have a point of view, and I want to hear it. So do those who love you. Don't pick fights for the sake of it, of course, but when you really feel I'm wrong, please say so. You have heard me say that you are right, and you've heard me apologize for my behavior or point of view when I realize they were wrong. Your perspective is both valid and valuable. Don't shy away from expressing it. 5. You are so very beautiful. Your face now holds the baby you were and the young woman you are rapidly becoming. My eyes and cleft chin and your father's coloring combine into someone unique, someone purely you. I can see the clouds of society's beauty myth hovering, manifest in your own growing self-consciousness. I beg of you not to lose sight with your own beauty, so much of which comes from the fact that your spirit runs so close to the surface. 6. Reading is essential. It is the central leisure-time joy of my life, as you know. I am immensely proud and pleased to see that you seem to share it. That identification you feel with characters, that sense of slipping into another world, of getting lost there in the best possible way? Those never go away. Welcome. 7. You are not me. We are very alike, but you are your own person, entirely, completely, fully. I know this, I promise, even when I lose sight of it. I know that separation from me is one of the fundamental tasks of your adolescence, which I can see glinting over the horizon. I dread it like ice in my stomach, that space, that distance, that essential cleaving, but I want you to know I know how vital it is. I'm going to be here, no matter what, Grace. The red string that ties us together will stretch. I know it will. And once the transition is accomplished there will be a new, even better closeness. I know that too. 8. It is almost never about you. What I mean is that when people act in a way that hurts or makes you feel insecure, it is almost certainly about something happening inside of them, and not about you. I struggle with this one mightily, and I have tried very, very hard never once to tell you you are being "too sensitive" or to "get over it" when you feel hurt. Believe me, I know how feelings can slice your heart, even if your head knows otherwise. But maybe, just maybe, it will help to remember that almost always other people are struggling with their own demons, even if they bump into you by accident. 9. There is no single person who can be your everything. Be very careful about bestowing this power on any one person. I suspect you are trying to fill a gnawing loneliness, and if you are you inherited it from me. That feeling, Woolf's "emptiness about the heart of life," is just part of the deal. Trying to fill that ache with other people (or with anything else, like food, alcohol, numbing behaviors of a zillion sorts you don't even know of yet) is a lost cause, and nobody will be up to the task. You will feel let down, and, worse, that loneliness will be there no matter what. I'm learning to embrace it, to accept it as part of who I am. I hope to help you do the same. 10. I am trying my best. I know I'm not good enough and not the mother you deserve. I am impatient and fallible and I raise my voice. I am sorry. I love you and your brother more than I love anyone else in the entire world and I always wish I could be better for you. I'll admit I don't always love your behavior, and I'm quick to tell you that. But every single day, I love you with every fiber of my being. No matter what. This post originally appeared on A Design So Vast. http://www.adesignsovast.com/

A Wall Of Protection

Last week was a particularly bad week. I know of 3 people in my life that are hurting. Just plain hurting. Their hearts are being torn from their chests I don't doubt. One of these friends, I don't even keep in regular contact with but has a room in my heart. I prayed for these friends. I hurt for them. Whether they knew or not, I did. My own personal problems were crashing around me at the same time. Another house deal that was just steps away from closing fell through. I just didn't know how much more my heart could handle. Then I read my daily devo. When God praised Job for his integrity, Satan replied, "You have always put a wall of protection around him....take away everything he has, and he will surely curse you." So God gave Satan permission to test Job, but He placed limits on how far he could go. (See Job 2:6) There are times "When the enemy comes in like a flood" (Isa 59:19) to attack your mind, your marriage, your ministry, and anything that's born of God in your life. When that happens, Isaiah says, "The Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard [shield] against him." When you feel you're at a breaking point and can't handle one more thing, the Holy Spirit lifts up the wall of the blood of Jesus and tells Satan, "This far and no further!" Paul says, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed" (2Co 4:8-9) There's a wall of protection around you. There's also a time for your deliverance. "In the time of my favor I hear you, and in the day of salvation I helped you." (2Cor. 6:2) God will step in and intervene. The Psalmist said, "When my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I" (Ps 61:2) When your resources are depleted and you think you're going under for the last time, God has provided a refuge that's higher than your circumstances, a place where you're under divine protection and the enemy has no jurisdiction. All you have to do is lift your eyes toward heaven. What a comfort it is that we can lift our eyes toward Heaven. The Maker of Heaven and Earth. He knows us inside and out better than anyone. He knows my inner struggles. He knows my deepest fears, desires, and temptations. When my heart is faint, Lead me, Father God to the rock that is higher than I.